Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Give up and let go

Recently had these few interesting conversation with some few friends talking about giving up. Which come to my surprise that they do think I am the guy who never give up, like there the word "give up" never exist in my dictionary.

To look back what I have achieve for the past few years indeed quite surprising. Something I won't expect myself 8 years ago (2004 is where I define as the start of exciting years ^^). True enough, 8 years ago I told myself I will never again regret of my actions and gonna make my life as interesting as possible. The sprit of never give up have been the cornerstone that pushing me to the limits in the journey making my life interesting.

Of course, bring a normal human being does means that I won't always get the result that I want. That is why I will give up. My colleague whom I have worked together for years disagree that. She told me that I am indeed the will never give up kind of person. What I did is just let go for the sake of a better choice. Both are pretty much the same but the intention are different (as she says). With give up is pretty negative kind (really not gonna pursuit further) and let go is positive kind (let go with a good cause). I do agree of what she said and admit that the "give up" that I did was actually "let go" due to the fact I will try anything that I can before let go.

Of course, I do enjoy this journey but I also realize something. Being successful in what you doing does give you the fame, but at the same time creates a gap of you and other people. This is where people around you start elevate you as "God" and dare not get too close as their respect in you stop them doing so.

It does feel very good at the beginning, but along the time I start having the loneliness in me. The feeling of being alienated grew over the years and I start to reject the idea me being a very different person. I tried to start challenging people to do the same but in real life each people have their limitation (by mind) in doing things.

I start to realize that I am slowly giving up my dreams due to afraid of the loneliness. For being wandering around places for many years does "stock up" that loneliness until the level that I don't really think I can handle too much. I start to going back home late because there is nothing to looking forward when I get back home. This is where I start hang out with friends after work and try to get myself occupied as much as I can. Again, after a certain period I realize that is not a sustainable solution and I do feel back to square one again.

At the moment I will still walk down this path as there aren't much choice along this path which I really not sure how long I will be able to continue. I guess is going to be a "well see" situation then.

P/S: this is just a rambling post and surely I not looking for salvation nor pity. Just to post out what I have been kept in my heart and serve as an entertaining post for the future me. But I do hope the readers do able to leave some comments so that I will know that people DO still read this blog.


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